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Knowing When You’re Right or WRONG!

I struggle with knowing when I’m right and when I’m wrong.

I am not afraid to have an opinion.   I’m quick to express myself.  I am normally quick to see the ending, what needs to be done, why something isn’t working, what’s missing, and more.  I’m the guy who says; “Hey, there is an elephant on the table.”

The problem is knowing when I’m right versus when I’m wrong.

I’m a passionate guy.  I am convicted when I draw a conclusion.  I believe strongly in my positions and execute and espouse them with conviction and passion.

The problem occurs when I am challenged.

Despite my passion and conviction; I understand, I don’t know everything.  Therefore, I am very open to contrary opinions and ideas.  I embrace dialog and debate.  I thrive on it.  But, many times, I’m not swayed and this is where things get messy.

I struggle at knowing when I’m wrong and need to concede versus knowing when I’m right and need to hold firm.

I easily acquiesce when labeled inflexible.  I don’t want to be perceived inflexible.  I give in or quickly look for compromise, not because I believe I’m wrong, or because I believe there is a better way, but because I don’t want to be considered as stubborn or not collaborative.

Other times, I question my position.  I still “feel” like I’m right, but insecurity sets in and I begin to doubt my position, and I give in.  This happens most when I am debating what to do with someone I consider more experienced or with more knowledge.  The sad part being it’s not always someone with more wisdom.

What kills me is, about 75% of the time, particularly on those things I am MOST passionate, I am right and my acquiescence cost us/me a deal, an opportunity, money, or worse we DIDN’T avoid a failure, incident or loss.

I get PISSED when this happens.   The anger and disappointment inside boils over as I mull about in the thought of how it all could have been avoided if I hadn’t rolled over.

There are times where I was wrong and I didn’t give in.  It too cost us big.  I’m not happy here either.  However, I take ownership, evaluate the situation so it doesn’t happen again and grow from it.

There are also those times, where I was right and stayed the course and where I was wrong and agreed with a different direction.  Those are the good times.

For me, the hard part is knowing when I’m right and when I’m wrong AND when to stay the course at all cost or give in to a better path.

Having the humility to know when your wrong is admiral.  Knowing when you’re right and not budging is critical.   Having the ability to determine which is appropriate, is everything.

How do you know when to hold your ground OR when to give in?

How do you know when you’re right versus when you’re wrong . . . because I’m still trying to figure it out.

  • davebrock

    In the words of Kenny Rogers, “You got to know when to hold them and when to fold them.” Actually, I'm not sure that relates, but it's a nice sound bite.

    Jim, you are kind of all over the place on this post, it's clear something's on your mind and you are being challenged by something. Some thoughts, don't know if they apply:

    1. Right and wrong, is not binary in most cases (at least in business). There are a variety of ways to solve a problem, your way may not be the best (at the moment). While being “right,” it may be prudent to take another approach where there is more buy in.
    2. You tend to have a very forceful personality. While you may think you may be “open” to other views, your body language, etc, may be portraying something else. Make sure people know that you genuinely are open to other views.
    3. How much of this is your ego? It's not about you being right or wrong, it's not about holding your ground, it is about achieving your shared goals. It means both parties need to be open to changing their positions.

    Hope this is helpful.

  • http://twitter.com/iannarino S. Anthony Iannarino

    Jim: Hold your convictions strongly, but not so strongly that you are not willing to be wrong.

    Things are rarely black or white; more often than not, there are many right answers. If you give in 75% of the time, then you may not be worried enough about selling your ideas inside your organization. Sometimes selling your idea depends upon creating the buy in that is enabled by allowing others to help create, modify, and adjust the idea. This is often harder than agreeing to do nothing or allowing something to be done that costs you a deal

    Treat your company like you treat the prospect. Listen first. Use what you learn. Create the vision, the consensus, and the buy in. Give them a stake in the outcome.

    I know that this is the right answer . . . but I am willing to be wrong!

    A

  • http://asalesguy.com Keenan

    Good insight Antony.

    It's not about being right or wrong for me. It's about getting things done and achieving goals. When I feel the assessment is wrong or the core point is missed, or the solution is only addressing the symptom, it is hard for me to acquiesce. If I am unable to persuade or influence the participants it can be difficult for me. I posted about this in a past called Wanted: Christopher Columbus http://asalesguy.com/2009/03/11/wanted-christop… If Columbus waited for consensus he'd have never made it.

    The post was less about me being right or wrong, but rather how do we know when we need to stick to our guns. What do we do when something is so clear to us, yet not to everyone else. What do we do, believing what is being put on the table will not only fail, is not accurate and could undermine our efforts or thwart success.

    I agree it's never black or white, however the core issues are almost always simple and straight forward. Getting agreement on those can be the difference between success and failure.

  • http://asalesguy.com Keenan

    Good questions David,

    You offer much to ponder.

    In my opinion there absolutely is a right and wrong. It's too soft and squishy to say there isn't. This movement to say there isn't a right and wrong just drags solutions into the ground. It's why the Gov. can never get anything done. That being said, I will concede that there isn't just one “right” way. There are a million different right ways to accomplish something. Just as there are millions of ways to screw it up and they are the “wrong”

    Being open to the myriad right ways is “KEY” accepting the myriad of wrong ways to gain buy in or get consensus is just foolish.

    There is absolutely a right and wrong.

    As always David, dig your thoughts.